Dear Mom: 9 Things I Wish You Understood About Why I’m Still Single (Suggested title: Another Broad Indictment of This Deplorable “Dating Culture”)
by Lauren Martin on Jan. 19, 2015
I hate to break it to you, Mom, but dating just isn’t what it used to be.
Is this going to be another dating article that assumes we’re in a hookup culture? You bet it is.
Texting is an acceptable form of rejection and it’s no longer dinner then sex, but sex then maybe dinner (if it was worth it).
This is an absolute fact. No one has dinner first anymore. What is this, 1897?
It’s men in sneakers and women on Instagram. It’s rejection across five forms of communication and sex on seven.
You believe there’s a ton of good guys out there and it’s me jumping to wild stereotypes and scathing assumptions.
Well actually, that’s exactly what you’ve done in this article so far, Ms. Martin.
I’m sure there are good guys out there — actually, I know there are. They’re the ones with girlfriends, or they’re living celibate as monks in Thailand — believe me, I’ve looked and they’re not around here.
Then again, it may not be the men. It could be the dating culture we’ve created (now downgraded to “hook-up culture”)
And thus, the prophecy is fulfilled.
It could be a collection of things, a mash-up of men, women, social media and the example you’ve set.
This is about the closest she’ll get to anything resembling an intelligent reason, but I fear it will only go downhill from here.
They know if they’re not getting it from you, they can get it somewhere else.
That’s generally how dating works.
Don’t blame it on alcohol; blame it on social media. Try being honorable and dignified in 2015, and all it gets you is a left swipe on Tinder and another Friday night in with Netflix.
I think alcohol can most definitely be blamed more than social media.
You know when you used to say nothing good happens after 11? Well, you were right. Unfortunately, we’re forced to date between 10 and 12, and men know exactly what this means.
The new law, the “Standard Dating Times Act,” passed in 2010 to much controversy.
Cell phones have changed everything about the dating landscape.
Literally everything. Kissing, eating, all changed thanks to cell phones.
You don’t even know what mind games are until you’ve experienced what it’s like to date with texting, Tinder, Instagram and Facebook.
A subtle callback to her previous gem.
You guys did such a sh*tty job that we’re in less of a rush.
I know it seems like a low dig, but it’s the truth. You led by example, and that example was that marriage doesn’t work.
Whose fault is it? Anyone but yours, apparently.
We’ve learned how to date from your mistakes, and if you taught us anything it’s that there’s no greater mistake than committing.
Because 100 percent of marriages lead to unhappiness or divorce, according to recent statistics.
We’re not sold on any American dream.
Um, isn’t the American Dream to get rich and live a wonderful life?
We change course every day, wrestling with those complex choices of guac or no guac, relationship or Netflix.
But the real would you rather: Guac and relationship, or Netflix and no guac?
We’re innovators and inventors, refusing to conform to the mold left by previous generations.
And here the contradictions begin. Clearly she’s not too happy about the current innovations and inventions for this modern dating scene.
We’ve changed the idea of the 9-5, the office culture and the perfect partner. We’re not just looking for someone, we’re looking for “the one.”
But weren’t you just saying that that isn’t the case anymore? And wasn’t your mother probably also looking for “the one”?
We’re thinking about our careers, our friendships and that amazing life we always dreamed of for ourselves.
So was your mother.